Keep Away from Hippo!!
Read out loud the text in the triangle. Don't worry if you failed to read the word 'The' twice in the text. Many people did the mistake!
In Black you can read the word 'Good' but in white(Inside each black letter there is a white letter)you will read 'Evil'. Good and Evil coexist?!
Look close and sharp: The white spaces read 'OPTICAL' while the blue landscape reads 'ILLUSION'. This is known as 'optical illusion'.
Teach and learn
You probably read the word 'Me' in brown but when you look through 'me' you will see the white letters forming 'YOU'.
aLZHEIMER'S eYE tEST !
Count every 'F'in the following text.
"FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..."
For the first time you might have counted 4 'F'. Don't worry, many did it!
The reason is that the brain normally discards the 'OF'. But if you have counted 6 'F's in the first chance, U R a Genius..
Joshy's Second Unholy Wound
Joshy was jobless and he entrusted Mathews to search out for the vacancies.
One day on a fine sunday morning, Joshy gets an SMS message from Mathews, " Please Send UR Photo by E-mail. U know, It's Urgent!"
Joshy hired a Bicycle(the nearest internet cafe is a pretty 50 Kms from his metropolitan city)and dashed to the cafe.
joshy typed the message fast, attached his photo and about to send the mail to Mathews; suddenly he got another message from mathews, " U fool,send ur photo fast, we are playing a game of rummy, and we need a joker urgently !!Ur photo will be the best.."
Joshy was red with anger..His BP and Body temp boiled.. and look left to see what happened to the mouse he was using...!
Joshy's first Unholy Wound
What a Delay !
His grandma, Agnes, told Joshi that when she was 20 years old, she had planned to elope with her boy friend. But the plan failed because she didn't get any message from her boyfriend (regarding running away), on the previous night of her original marriage arranged by her father.
60 years have passed and she is 80 now.
Today is her birth day(12/06/2006) and she got an SMS message.
It read thus:
"My dearest Agnes, everything is arranged. Come down to railway crossing at 11p.m.sharp. we will runaway and get married soon. Yours loving Prem !"
Sender : Premraj, +9109446866190.
Sent on: 12/06/1946, 10p.m.
And there was an additional message from BSNL:
" Sorry for the Delay !!!"
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Spelling Problem? No worry!
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the
ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is
taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid
deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as
a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot
slpeling was ipmorantt!!!
"Om Purnamadah Purnamidam Purnaat Purnamudachyate
Purnasya Purnamadaya Purnamevaavashishyate"
Fitting the Furniture !!!A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful chorus girl of well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for $500. When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things having transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him, but would have his secretary mail her a check for it, made out with a memo of RENT FOR APARTMENT, to avoid any embarrassment. On the way to the office, however, after thinking the matter over carefully, he decided the night hadn't been worth what he’d agreed to pay. As a result, he had his secretary send a check for $250 instead, and enclosed the following explanatory note: Dear Madam: "Enclosed is a cheque for the amount of $250 for rent on your apartment. I am sending this amount instead of the amount originally agreed upon, because when I rented this apartment, I was under the impression that...
1. It had never been occupied
2. There was plenty of heat
3. It was small.
Last night, I found that it had been occupied many times, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large!" Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check, with this note: "I am returning the check for $250. I cannot understand how you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat... there is plenty of it there if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it's not my fault if you didn't have enough furniture to furnish it."
Strange bed-fellows!!!
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He
was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of
years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on,
he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to
ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes,
I will."
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their
respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she
say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called
her.
First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he
then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes'
or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you
called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
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A sexy woman is like a 1000 Rupee note. U don't know how many have
handled it but u still want to have it.
Manmohan Singh: Weare sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! How many?
Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5
Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible
1 Astronnaut.
Some dead people went to hell & were glad after seeing the board
on gate. Why?
Because it reads: NO SEATS EXCEPT FOR SC/ST/OBC
Tricky Sign-Boards
# Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.
# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!
# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.
# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.
# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they
never will be.....
#THE BEST ONE:
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."
- Indian Armed Forces
Grandma's trial& error Method!
*A grandson came to visit his grandparents & noticed his grandfather
sitting on the porch, in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the
waist down.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out in the wind for all to see!"
he exclaimed.
Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?"
he asked again.
Grandpa looked at him and said, "Last week I sat here with no shirt on
and got a stiff neck. This is grandma's idea."
*
Presence of Mind
John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.
John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter."
As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him,
So he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.
Which place are you from?"
John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."
"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.
John replied, "Which team did she play for?"
Two Lovers...
January to december
sunday to saturday
Am. to Pm.
My feelings for u have never changed.......
u....
R....
always....
a HEADACHE to me !!!!
When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!
If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a
fool............
I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
i got a HEART ATTACK
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
Dear Friend,
when i ask u a flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means .........pick the phone, idiot!!
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to
exclamatory sentence ...
Student : WOW !
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love
SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age, Bill Gates stood first in the class.
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age, Hitler commited suicide!!
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TAX-DEDUCTION
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to
God, India, they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of India as a joke.
The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Minister in Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax !!!! “
DONATE BLOOD
An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally.So the call went out to a number of
countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars. Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.
The Arab replied "Bapu.....now I have Gujju blood in my veins !!!!
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Old Barber
There was a good old barber in Mumbai. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......
Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ... . .
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.
.
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.
.
.
.
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts
of forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut.
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Bush,Manmohan and Sonia
Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are travelling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! Oh !!
The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic! and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking: These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper, that she
slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking: Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking: Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Wanna guess what Manmohan was thinking????
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Manmohan is thinking: If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again!
The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 7777777777777 Problems.
So beware of the glance!
******************************************************************************
Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Ravi: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Vinod: I want 2 help Deepa !!
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Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
******************************************************************************
Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!"
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Delivered:
Sardar sent an SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds
later a report came to his phone and he started
dancing.
The report said, "DELIVERED".
*****************************************************************************
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and
panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
****************************************************************************
Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in
paradise because they would have ignored the apple and
eaten the snake.
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Instead of creating words, computer dragged existing words into its net !!!
Before the computer age,
An APPLICATION was for employment.
A PROGRAMME was a television show.
WINDOWS were something you hated to clean.
A KEYBOARD was a piano.
MEMORY was something you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
COMPRESS was something you did to garbage.
LOG ON was adding wood to a fire.
A HARD DRIVE was a long trip on the road.
A MOUSE PAD was where a mouse lived.
CUT you did with scissors.
PASTE you did with glue.
A WEB was a spider's home.
And a VIRUS was associated to flu!!!!!
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TAKE CARE OF YOUR OLDER ONES
An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45
years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"
The Son replied "It is a crow".
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, What
is this?"
At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when
he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is
this?"
This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same
question again and again, although I have told you so many times ' IT IS A
CROW '. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old
tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a
page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the
following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow
was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I
replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each
time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not
at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had
felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when
today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt
irritated and annoyed.
So...THE LESSON IS...Why should I tell, you know it...!
___________________________________________________________________________
YOU CAN DO IT
Not Every Tree can Stands Thirst
But Cactus Did it.
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Not Every Animals can Represent our Nation
But Lion Did it.
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Not Every Flower Can Represent Love
But Roses Did it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not Every Monkey Can Read E-Mails
But You Did it !!!!!
........................................................................
Ulta-Pulta(Humour even from proverbs)
Whitening applied becomes white scars.
(Velukkan thechathu pandayi)
When talking, hear. When given, eat.
(Paraymbol kelkkanam.tharumbol thinnanam)
Give elephant, but not hope.
(Aana koduthalum aasha kodukaruthu)
If Crow bath, become crane ??
(Kaaka kulichal kokku aagumo??)
If needed jackfruit on root grow.
(Venamengil chakka verilum kaayikkum)
Snake on fence on shoulder no put.
(Veliyil kidanna paambine eduthu tholil idaruthu)
Onam come or Baby born, porridge for KORAN still in leaf.
(Onam vannaalum Unni pirannaalum, Koranu Kanji Kumbilil thanne)
Own baby, for crow, golden baby.
(Kaakkakku Than Kunju Ponkunju)
Market fail Mother's back.
(Angaadiyil thottathinu Ammayude purathu)
Silent Cat Breaks Pot.
(Mindaa Poocha Kalam Udakkum)
Sand leaning man took girl.
(Mannum Chaari Ninnavan Pennum Kondupoyi)
Centipede if put on mattress goes to garbage.
(Attaye pidichu Methayil Kidathiyaalum Athu pokum Kuppa kuzhiyil)
Miser hold umbrella at midnight.
(Alpan Ardha Raathriyilum koda Pidikkum)
Foot wrong elephant will also fall.
(Adi thettiyaal aaneyum veezhum)
Friend of Eeenaampechi is TreeDog.
(Eeenaampechi-kku kootu marapatti)
In desert one Tree green.
(Marubhumiyil oru marupacha)
Sitting to moan, dog's head, coconut fell.
(Moangan irunna naayudey thalayil thenga veenu)
Different drop big water.
(Palathulli peruvellam)
Life licked by stray dog.
(Jeevitham nayanakki)
Crane, how many ponds see??
(Kokkethra kulam kandirikkunnu)
Don't want, don't want thinking, climbing on the head & jumping.
(Venda,venda ennu vicharikkumbo thalayil keri chaadunnu)
Stick gave, beating got.
(Vadi koduthu adi vaangi)
Open the window, let the airforce come in.
(Janala thurakkoo, kaatu shakthi aayi varrattae)
No Grass will walk here.
(Evidae Oru pullum nadakkilla)
Dont spit, understanding people will suffer.
(thupparuthu , thaazhae nikkunnavar anubhavikkum)
Both are Hand and Arithmetic.
(Randum kayyum kanakkum thannae)
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