Be Adventurous

Moving Stadium

Believe it or...not.......but...its...true Amazing, only Japanese can imagine & execute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sapporo (A commercial city in northern Japan on western Hokkaido) stadium Seating capacity of 42,122, what's unique about this Stadium is that, it's an indoor stadium with the playing field out side, and when required, the field will move inside the stadium... and not only that, the field once inside it will rotate within its axis to ensure the spectators will get a all round view of the game being played...

What make-up Can Do?!

It Changes your outlook...

Horror: Accidents( A++)

Must Know!

Some interesting facts!

* Coca-Cola was originally green.

* It is impossible to lick your elbow.

* The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

* The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start
with.

* The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
one row! of the keyboard.

* Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

* You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

* People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your
heart stops for a millisecond.

* It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

* The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest
tongue twister in the English language.

* If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a
sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

* Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history

Spades - King David

Clubs - Alexander the Great

Hearts - Charlemagne

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

* If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the
air, the person died in battle.

* If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of
wounds received in battle

* If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.

* What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

* A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

* A snail can sleep for three years.

* All polar bears are left handed.

* American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from
each salad served in first-class.

* Butterflies taste with their feet.

* Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

* In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

* On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

* Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

* Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

* The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

* The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

* The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

* Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
million descendants.

* Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your
ear by 700 times.

* The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

* Most lipstick contains fish scales.

* Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

**** And finally 99% of people who read this will not be able to resist the temptation of looking into the author's other famous blogsites namely http://www.my.opera.com/sajiwriter/blog
and http://www.readersmeet.rediffiland.com/

Great Jokes

Florist Mistake

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy".

While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.

"Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."

"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party."

"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.

"'Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply.



Jail Mail

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."



Magical Compact

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk, and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


Rabbit Resurrection

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to he car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road.

50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 meters.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?"

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: " 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave." Delaware Decision
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her USA government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"



Wait Your Turn

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"




The Widow at the Farmhouse

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and visit with her?"

"Yes, I have to admit that I did."

"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turns red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."

"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"






Texas Blind Man

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"





Shirley's Makeover

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?"

God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?"

God replied, "Shirley! I didn't recognize you!"


Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats


1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.

2. Cats look silly on a leash.

3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.

4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.

6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.

7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.

8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.

9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain.

10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.




















Cynical Meanings

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either."

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.







Mutual Attraction

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!"

The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Contact Lens

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied.

"You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."





Fishing License
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, the Game Warden hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"


"Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."





Old Age Secret
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."




Class Trip
A student on a class trip to the natural-history museum asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard tells him, "Three-million-four years and six months old."

The student says. "How do you know that so precisely?"

The guard says, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."




The Old Pastor's Last Request

An old pastor lay dying. He called for an IRS agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here?"

The old pastor mustered all his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go.





Feeding Fur

A father was playing with his daughter when the little one said: "Dad, I read in school that animals get a new fur coat every winter."

"Quiet!" retorted the father. "Your mother is in the next room!"

Click on Me

Get a Gift!!

String Cheese

A string walks into bar and asks for a rum and a cola. But the bartender says, "There is no strings allowed in here!"

So he goes into the bathroom and ties himself into a knot and frays himself at the ends.

Then he walks back out and asks for a rum and a cola. The bartender asks, "Weren't you just the string that walked in here?"

"No," he says, "I'm a frayed knot!"




Drinks on me

A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.

Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can cook me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks!"



Contact Heaven

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.

(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.




Getting Into Fights

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."




More Bible According to Kids

The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)

- Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

- Then the three Wise Guys from the east arrived and found Jesus in the manager.

- Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption.

- St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says do one to others before they do one to you.

- He also explained that "Man does not live by sweat alone".

- It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

- The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles.

- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

- One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached the holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

- A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.



Road Warrior

I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries. Also a hip replacement; later new knees.

I've fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, I take 40 dozens of medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation and barely feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I have lost all my friends.

But Thank God, I still have my driver's license!





Glass Half-Empty

Two friends met in the street. One looked sad and almost on the verge of tears. The other man said, "Hey my friend, how come you look like the whole world has caved in?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me 50-thousand dollars."

"That's not bad at all...!"

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked-the-bucket and left me 95-thousand, tax-free to boot."

"Well, that's great! I'd like that."

"Last week, my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a million."

"So why are so glum?"

"This week - nothing!"






Jaw Dropper

A man and wife rushed into a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or numbing cream or anything because I'm in a terrible hurry.

"Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turned to her husband and said, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."







Nun Decorators

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

The one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.

The man walks in, does a double take, and says, "Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"





God's Email

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of his best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while.

When she returned she told God, "Yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good."

Well, he considered for a moment and thought maybe he'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good."

God said this was not good.

So he decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that e-mail said?

Oh, you didn't get one either, huh?






Typical Jim

There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man.

One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof.

While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him.

Jim says "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." So, the man in the boat drives off.

The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof.

At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in.

Jim replies, "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." The person in the boat then leaves.

The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney.

Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.

Jim tells her "That's ok."

The woman says "Are you sure?"

Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me.

Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns.

Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God.

Jim says to God "You told me you would take care of me! What happened?"

God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"





Cat Name

After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too.

"Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner.

"No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."







Catholic dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, an there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"




The Crowded Store

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...

"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"




Very Dangerous Mix

This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.

Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium.

She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action.

'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.





I Just Needed To Use Your Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"






Getting Older

Maybe it's true that life begins at 40. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.




Snooze Cruise

My Grandfather
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car!

Laughing Boss
"I finally got my boss to laugh," said one friend to another after work.

"Oh, how?"

"I asked for a raise!"




History of Medicine

For people in a hurry, we have compiled this short history of medicine, using as an example the treatment of that common ailment, the ear ache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2006 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.






Security Concerns

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.!

I figure, no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three for each three they unlock!






Heaven Can Wait

A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him: "God, how long is a million years to you?"

God answered: "A million years is like a minute."

Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to you?"

And God replied: "A million dollars is like a penny."

Finally, the man asked: "God, could you give me a penny?"

And God said, "In a minute."





Pragmatic Gifts

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.

"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.

The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love.

"That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."





Job Interview

At the end of a job interview, the head of human resources asked the young engineer out of MIT, "What starting salary are you looking for?"

The engineer decides to shoot for the moon, "I'm thinking of 125K a year or so, depending on the benefits package."

"Hmmm. Well what do you say to five weeks paid vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, and retirement funds that will match at 50%, and a company car leased every two years, say maybe a fine Porsche?" replied the interviewer.

The engineer gasps and says, "Wow, are you kidding?"

"Yeah," replies the interviewer, "but you started it."




Driven to Distraction

-Only in America can a pizza guy get to your door faster than an ambulance.

- Why do slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing?

- Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?

- Why is it that when stuff goes on a truck it's called a shipment and on a boat it's called cargo?

- Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

- Why do we press harder on things when we know the batteries are dead?




Walk Softly

"How is it that every time I pass your station, you are not working?" the angry department head asked of an employee.

"It's because you wear sneakers, sir!"

The Meaning of Self-Help
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.